Attention! There has been a recall.

So, it's a new year, now.

2007.

I hope it's going to be better than 2006 was, seeing as I believe 2006 was a pretty bad year.

I was feeling really bad, mentally, in 2006 more than I ever had before. I see someone when my problems get too bad for me to control, and I don't take any kind of medicine for it, and never will. I don't believe that turning me into an emotionless zombie will make my problems go away, and if I can't act like myself, who is it that I must act like? If I take that medicine, who am I?

But usually, it's not that bad.

It has been, though. It happened so suddenly, too. Things would be going well for once. Well, Goddamnit! I wouldn't be having any problems with my family. I wouldn't be feeling ill because of my heart, things at work would be going well. It was sunny. The fucking glass was half full!

And then it would all fade, like someone just cut me and drained it all out of me in an instant. And when I mean in an instant, I mean that literally. This feeling of dread and misery would replace my happiness in an instant. There is usually no trigger, either. It just happens.

Everything just falls apart. I hate it when that happens, because everyone wants to know why it happened. Especially my husband. He always wants to know, "Did I do something wrong?". It breaks my heart for him to think that he's done something to hurt me when he hasn't. And as much as I try to tell him that he hasn't done anything bad at all, he won't listen to me.

There were things that upset me, of course. I was very, very depressed because things weren't going well on Varus. I was always worried about the site owner, Jessica, because she was God-knows-where all of the time, and I was afraid that some idiot would decide to hurt her because of who she is. And, the site was falling apart. I thought that I could feel it.

Because Jess was God-knows-where, she couldn't exactly work on the site and fix any mistakes, or make any progress on the site itself. And as much as I tried to make things right, both for the the site and Jess, it was like repeatedly hitting your head against a brick wall.

Then, I met a man named Steve. I originally hated him, but after deciding that yelling at me for breaking the rules on a forum where he's a moderator was only his job, I thought that I'd get to know him a bit. And I really love the guy. He's sweet and funny, not the evil life-hating thing everyone seems to make him out to be.

It just happened that one day, his sister was ill, and had to be taken to a hospital. It seemed to be a really potent-nasty infection, at first... but then, it turned out that she had a form of cancer.

And.. well... she died.

I didn't speak to him much during this period, because he wasn't around as much (for obvious reasons), but whenever I did talk to him, I could tell he was miserable and depressed, no matter how much he tried to hide it (assuming he was doing so, conciously), and well.. he's my friend. I didn't want him to be unhappy. But that took it's toll on me, too...

Then, exactly a week from when Steve's sister died, my mother had a stroke. She was in a coma, and then died.

Not a happy time.

There were good things, of course. I did get to make some new friends and move on in life. I was able to marry my husband, finally (though not legally, since we're both men, but who cares?).

But, in a nutshell, 2006 was a shitty year.

2007, now.

7 is a my favorite number. We'll see how much good it does me, now.